Recently I received a request asking me to complete this 'tag' I suppose. Lots of people have written such philosophical posts, and I must admit I love reading them. This led me to contemplate what I've learnt so far during my 21 years. I am undeniably a thinker; and in all honesty a worrier. So I thought I would share with you a few things I've learnt along the way, and would just love to tell my teenage self. Don’t you wish that you could embark on a journey and revisit some of your lowest, or most defining moments; and whilst were at it the most uncomfortable and cringe worthy seconds of our lives. I’d love to heal rifts, alter decisions, and trivially improve wardrobe malfunctions. I’m just going to let myself go; write whatever I feel and endeavour not to hit the delete key. I want to show you a different side to me and in some ways heal me too.
I think that this is one of the most important things in life. I know that when you’re young it can be almost impossible to truly know who you are. On so many occasions I would adjust my look, my personality or temperament simply in order to fit in. One of the most defining moments of my life was moving up north when I was 14. To those around me I was ‘posh’ ‘fridged’ and an easy target I’m sure. I didn’t understand many of the words the kids around me used, and found myself feeling immensely isolated and in all honesty vulnerable. In order to immerse myself into my new school I felt the need to ‘toughen’ up. I became bitchy on some levels, and I feel ashamed of some of the things I probably did. It took me a long time to adjust, and by the time I had the Lucy before the move was a memory. That’s the worst thing, when you change yourself, and by the time you realise it, you can’t remember who you were before. It can turn into an almighty struggle to find you again. I think that the lesson to be learnt is to be yourself, be the best you, you can, but most importantly be the you, you want to be. Don’t let others force change upon you. Give them time to accept you, and those who believe you to be a good person will, and those you aggravate won’t. This leads me on to the next point…….
This is one of the hardest things to grasp, or accept. Discovering that someone doesn’t like you can be a disheartening and soul destroying moment in life; but just remember that people irritate you, people get under your skin, and sadly it works both ways. Just be yourself, and hopefully you will develop friendships based on honesty. The best kind of friend loves both sides of you; the lovely and the not so lovely.
I’m not going to tell you to trust everyone; if anything the opposite. I am still too eager to trust people. I am not a good judge of character, and on occasions I still get taken advantage of. I wish I could tell my younger self to trust those who deserve it. Get to know someone first; allow them some of you, but never all of you. I think that if I could describe trust it would be: to give a piece of you to someone else and to hope in return they treasure it, and treat it with great care and respect. If they can prove to you they can keep a little piece safe, then let go and trust them with all of you.
During my teenage years, I would probably have gagged at this heading. I was one of the “you’re ruining my life” type teens who thought that my mum saying no to body piercings etc. meant that she was interfering and over protective. What I’ve come to learn is that your mum really is the only person you can trust and rely on 100%. Your mum always has your best interests at heart no matter what. A mothers bond with a child is something I’ve yet to encounter; but from my experiences in life so far a mother’s love is very different from that of a father. A mum is someone who can tell you when you look bad, tell you when you’re making a mistake, and most importantly comfort you when you fall flat on your face from said mistake. If only id listened to my mum and not my ‘best friend’ over the years.
When you’re young it’s easy to make hasty decisions that at the time seem unsubstantial; but that can often be incredibly poignant. One of my biggest (foolish) decisions was to leave school at 16. I was an intelligent girl, with little/ no confidence in my academic abilities. I had always felt I was a failure when it came to school; and had already decided at age 13 that I wanted to embark on a career as a beauty therapist. This is another lesson learnt; just because you have a specific interest e.g. Makeup does not mean that closing HUGE doors and all your options at the same time is a wise move. You CANNOT know your own mind well enough at 16 to make such life changing/ shattering choices. Listen to your teachers, parents and friends. They may be wiser than you, and know you better than you think. Believe in your abilities, and work hard. Opt for the toughest route every time because in the end the possibilities will be limitless. Uni, and further education in my mind is the best policy, you can always test the waters of other avenues later in life.
This is an incredibly poignant point in my life right now. I have been through a lot in the last 6 years, and have failed to forgive and forget. It’s hard to let go of a hurt that can be overwhelming. People can destroy a bond, or love with words, or actions and sadly once the damage is done it’s hard to undo. I think that forgiveness is much like polyfiller. You can in time mask over the cracks; but you must accept that your mind will never truly forget what happened. Just remember the damage can be covered and the debris swept away, and a new kind of bond can be uncovered. Let’s just say I’m in the isles of B&Q looking for some polyfiller; but have yet taken the leap of purchasing it. Maybe this will be the year to embrace forgiveness and accept that we all have faults; and deserve second chances. I will let you know how I get on!
I hope you have enjoyed this, I have no idea what the response will be. I’m sorry if it’s too heavy or deep, but I felt that a post like this was needed. Why don’t you do the same and link back to your post below. I will post a further few points next week, if you’ll let me!